The importance of support – Dad, George, shares his story
“Jimmy was born on 21 August 2023 He was two weeks early and I was just 12 hours into my paternity leave when he made his arrival into the world at Kingston Hospital.
The next day, we took Jimmy home to meet his older brother Arthur, who was two at the time. My sister was holding Jimmy when Arthur met him, so Arthur thought Jimmy was her baby and when she left our house, he was saying ‘Auntie, you’ve forgotten your baby!’ It was extremely sweet and something I will always remember. Arthur was great with Jimmy – he would stroke his head, put his dummy in, and I could see they were going to be best buddies.
Jimmy was a chilled, relaxed baby – he was just what we needed. I work shifts as a sports journalist so the early days when Jimmy was waking every few hours worked out well for us as I would do the night feeds. Jimmy and I got through four series of ‘Designated Survivor.’
Last August, we were getting ready to celebrate my niece’s second birthday. The plan was that I would pick up my dad with Arthur, and we would meet my wife Ellie and Jimmy at the party as he was having a nap in the baby carrier. I was getting ready to leave when I heard Ellie sounding really distressed. She had gone to the toilet and noticed blood coming out from Jimmy’s nose. Jimmy was unconscious so we immediately called 999 and started doing CPR. The paramedics arrived after two minutes and managed to restart Jimmy’s heart after 50 minutes, but sadly he was very badly brain damaged. We were transferred from Kingston Hospital to St. George’s, where Jimmy was in intensive care for a few days, but we were told there was nothing more that could be done for him and we had to turn off his life support.
Jimmy’s inquest is in November, where the exact cause of his death will be determined, but we think it will be put down as sudden unexpected death in infancy (SUDI).
It has been a very tough year but our other son, Arthur has really kept us going – he is so much fun. It was hard to explain Jimmy’s death to Arthur as he is still young, but he knows Jimmy has died and he is with the angels. He was there when everything happened, and he sometimes says, ‘baby Jimmy went in the nee naw.’
Momentum Children’s Charity reached out to us shortly after Jimmy died. Vanessa from their bereavement team, Echoes, came to talk to us about the different ways the charity could support us. I have been to a meet-up with other bereaved dads at a Tapas restaurant in Kingston and have had a golf lesson with other dads at Hampton Court Golf Club. As supportive as friends are, they don’t really know what to say. Talking to other bereaved dads has really helped me – we have a shared pain, grief and can advise each other on coping mechanisms.
We have stayed in one of Momentum’s lodges which was just the break we needed – it was beautiful there and so peaceful, Arthur had the best time too. A few months ago, on my wife’s birthday, we went on Momentum’s riverboat with lots of our family. The crew was made up of volunteers who were lovely and we all had a go at driving the boat.
My advice for other parents who have lost a child would be to get as much support as you can. There are so many amazing people out there who genuinely want to help. Having the support from charities like Momentum has also given us some incredible new memories with Arthur, that we might not have otherwise had.”
Find out about Momentum’s bereavement support service, Echoes, here