“My twin boys, James and Edward, were born in May 2019. It was a beautiful surprise when we found out we were having twins, as it hadn’t been picked up on our early pregnancy scans.

Harley’s waters started breaking seven weeks early, but they didn’t break fully, and she got an infection. Before we knew it, she was having an emergency c-section under full anaesthetic. As soon as Edward and James were born, they were taken to NICU.

We eventually got to take the boys home from Hospital, but when they were about six months old, we noticed James started getting quite wheezy every time he picked up a cold. We sought specialist medical help, and he was diagnosed with Asthma. We had inhalers and learnt how to deal with James’ Asthma at home, and thought we knew when he was particularly unwell and needed to go the hospital.

The weekend before James died, we had been for a family walk. We’d noticed James was a bit wheezy on the Monday, so we didn’t send him to nursery. I kept a close eye on him, giving him his inhalers and following our normal routine.

About 3am on the Tuesday morning, James had woken, so Harley gave him some water and settled him back to sleep. Shortly afterwards, Edward woke, so Harley went in to check on him and realised she couldn’t hear James breathing. We tried to resuscitate him, and called an ambulance straight away, but it was too late – our little boy had died. James’ postmortem revealed that he had bronchopneumonia and bronchiolitis, and he had passed away in his sleep.

Just a few days after James’ passing, Edward also picked up bronchiolitis and spent a few nights in St. Peter’s Hospital.

We first met someone from Momentum when we were in hospital with Edward. One of the Family Support Workers from their bereavement team came to our house and helped us with James’ funeral arrangements. They gave us a lot of emotional and practical support at a time when we desperately needed and appreciated it.

Not long afterwards, I found out about the Echoes support group run by Momentum, for dads who have lost a child.  I went to a meet-up in Kingston and have recently been to another gathering. I have found the Echoes events really helpful – it’s nice to be able to get advice from other dads who are further down the line in their grieving process, and to be able to offer advice to dads who are newly bereaved.

Sometimes when I’m talking to people outside of the group it can feel like people don’t really understand what you are going through, or you feel like you are burdening them. With the Echoes group, you don’t feel that at all, you can share memories, feelings, and experiences in a relaxed and open way. My wife, Harley, also goes to Momentum’s support group for bereaved mums where she has taken part in candle making and wreath making.

On my first Father’s Day after James’ death, we went on Momentum’s boat with Edward. It was a lovely experience on a day that was really tough for us all.

Edward is now four and a half years old, and we have a lot of conversations with him about James. There are photos of James around the house – he will always be a part of our family. 

We have so many special memories of the boys together – they were great fun as toddlers, I love being a dad of boys. One of my fondest memories was when we took the boys to South Africa to visit family – it was something I will never forget.
A funnier memory is of the special relationship that James had with our very big dog, Guiness. James used to try and ride him across the kitchen like a horse – it was very funny!

James and Edward were very close as brothers. They were identical twins, which has been hard for us, as sometimes we do a double-take, almost expecting to see James. The life milestones are incredibly difficult, Edward starting school in September was tough as it is such a big event, and James should’ve been there too.

Edward has kept us going, I honestly can’t really imagine where I’d be if we didn’t have him. He loves Christmas, so we make it as magical as we can for him. Momentum arranged for Santa to make an extra visit to our house last year which was great. There are always going to be difficult days, but we know Momentum is there if we need to get some extra support.

We have done a lot of fundraising over the last almost three years and have raised somewhere in the region of £15,000-£20,000 for Momentum.

To other families who have lost a child, my message would be this – you can’t control your past, only your future. You can give up, or you can try and pick up the pieces and make the most of what is left. I knew I didn’t want to be consumed by James’ death, and I certainly didn’t want it to ruin Edward’s life. Speaking to others who have been through something similar has helped and given me hope that there is a way of moving forward.”